True Crime With Caledonian Kitty

*Please be aware that the details shared in this post are quite disturbing. I have tried, as always to share the details in a sensitive manner without taking away from the facts of the case. If you have any comments about this post, please leave them below or email me in confidence at jocaledoniankitty@gmail.com*

Fiona Beal was known by her colleagues and young pupils as a friendly, funny and outgoing teacher who always had time for everyone. She could be the life and soul of the party when she was with her friends and work colleagues, and a primary school teacher who really knew how to keep the kids entertained. She was always known to be professional with such a passion for her job and a real caring approach to the children that she taught, nobody really had a bad word to say about her. 

So on the 8th of March of 2022, people close to Fiona (50) were becoming very concerned about her over recent weeks and months. She had been acting strange and at first it seemed that she was going through some sort of burn-out but she had recently told friends that her long-term relationship with her younger partner (42 year old Nicholas Billingham) had broken down and he'd moved out of their home to be with another woman. The breakdown of this relationship of 17 years had appeared to have taken it's toll on Fiona and her behaviour was concerning.

After a string of text messages from Fiona which sounded very much like she was attempting to take her own life, concerned friends and relatives had contacted the police to do a welfare check and shockingly they found that she had been in the bathtub of a holiday home, alone and had attempted to end her life. The police did their best to support her and took her to the hospital where she made a full recovery. Everyone was relieved that the police had gotten there in time. However, when a search was done of the holiday home, a diary was found which the police had looked through as a way to try and understand her mental state as well as thinking about handing it over to mental health professionals who would be able to better support Fiona. What they found in the diary was shocking, they were expecting some personal thoughts from a woman who was depressed but what they found was a woman who had documented her turbulent relationship with a younger man and the fact that she had murdered him. 

The more investigators delved into the diary, the more disturbing details emerged with every page. Nicholas (who worked as a builder and had lived at a house in Northampton, England with Fiona) had been reported missing by relatives four months earlier after he had apparently ran off with another woman who he'd been seeing behind Fiona's back. Fiona had told everyone that knew the couple that things had continued to sour between the pair and Nicholas just left her to start a new life. Despite the fact that Nicholas had infidelities in the relationship before, nobody could understand why he would suddenly leave his job which he very much enjoyed and had stopped all contact with family and friends. 

For a short time after Nicholas had apparently left Fiona, there was text messages to friends and family from his phone which indicated that he had been suffering with ill health due to Covid. Then other excuses would be sent about how he had left Fiona for a new life. The situation puzzled everyone and nobody knew what to make of any of it. Fiona continued to go to work after her so-called break up with Nicholas and had even decided to redecorate the house. Her friends saw this as a way for Fiona to try and move on. Fiona had told friends that she had tried to contact Nicholas about selling the house and he would send back very rude messages telling her to leave him alone. 

For months, Fiona continued to go to work and would invite people over for dinner, including Nicholas's own mother. Fiona appeared to have been holding everything together despite the end of her relationship but the realty was, she was struggling and for all the wrong reasons because it wasn't just a straight-forward break-up. 

The pressure became too much for Fiona Beal, she couldn't keep the act up, people were asking too many questions all the time. There was also the fact that Nicholas's work van was found just around the corner, why wouldn't he take that with him? She sank into a deep depression and had to get away from the house. She decided that she wanted to end her own life, the guilt became way too much to carry. 

In the diary which the police had shared with Doctors in the hospital and the mental health team, detailed how just months earlier, Fiona had decided that she had, had enough of (what she called) Nicholas's abuse. With every page she described how Nicholas would drag her down piece by piece. He would apparently make fun of her weight, her looks and her cooking. She said he would put her down in every single way you could imagine and he would also spit in her face during sex. Fiona claimed that he had destroyed her confidence and self esteem to the point that he would cheat on her time and again but she would just put up with it because he made her feel worthless and told her that nobody else would want her. Being older than he was he would often make nasty comments about her appearance. To say the relationship was truly toxic, is an understatement. 

Instead of walking away from the relationship, Fiona claimed that her self-worth had been completely destroyed so she felt stuck and started to fall into a fantasy world of thoughts where she would get revenge somehow. She created a character called 'Tulip 22'. Tulip 22 was the side of Fiona that did have the confidence and was also powerful. She felt in control when she tapped into her 'Tulip 22' side. In the diary she had detailed how she had set up Nicholas by running him a relaxing bath with promises of a romantic, sensual evening. She made it clear that she was in the mood for sex and wanted to play one of their role-playing games, As much as a rat-bag that Nicholas reportedly was (other people did confirm that he had the habit of ending up in bed with other women and had put Fiona down in front of others in the past) he wasn't going to turn down the offer of a night of passion. After his bath he went into the bedroom and Fiona had set it all up for him to be blindfolded and tied to the bed which he was happy to go along with. 

A night of passion was not what Fiona had in mind, as soon as he was on the bed, tied and blindfolded....she plunged a knife deep into his neck killing him within a matter of seconds, blood was all over the place, it was horrific. Fiona didn't waste any time attempting to clean up the crime scene and try to cover her tracks. Relatives and friends were told not to come near the house because the pair had Covid and were told by Doctors to self-isolate. She wrapped up Nicholas's body and buried him in the garden, she told everyone she was giving the house and garden a makeover. She dragged the blood-soaked mattress down to the cellar and left it there. She used Nicholas's phone to text colleagues and relatives to give the disturbing appearance that he was still alive. She also used his phone to text herself to make it look like they were having an argument and that he was telling her to 'F*ck Off' and leave him alone. 

For months nobody suspected anything was wrong, they believed the story that Fiona had told them, that Nicholas had run of with another woman, people actually felt sorry for Fiona. Nobody who knew her could believe she would be capable of such a horrendous crime and to do that to someone you have been in a relationship with for 17 years is just unbelievable. 

An excerpt of Fiona's diary was as follows: 

October 2021. ''He spat on me and threatened me during sex. I knew then that … [X] ..had been telling the truth. I thought about laving but the things he said and did fueled [sic] my dark side – I call her Tulip 22, she’s reckless, fearless and efficient! Ruthless. I started plotting as Tulip 22 after he’d gone to bed. I could no longer sleep in the bed due to my breathing being so loud or I moved too much or I was snoring or etc, etc, I would go downstairs after sex and even when I was unwell. 

I got used to sleeping downstairs and waited for him to go to bed and then got high and let Tulip 22 out. I knew I couldn’t let him get away with it. Halloween sealed it. He was vile. I sat on the kitchen floor and wept as I witnesses the abuse I had allowed to happen. I allowed so much bad to happen. That night I planned. Covid rules meant I had a guaranteed 10 day isolation period from positive symptoms. I called Clair on the Monday and said we’d tested positive and had symptoms. He went to work. Tulip 22 smoked and planned. I’d planned it mentally so many times before. The knife cut my dressing gown pocket Mon. Nov 1st …… I had smoked all day. I had a bath. I left the water in. 

He had been pushing for sex. I encouraged the bath with the incentive of sex afterwards. While he was in the bath I kept the knife in my dressing gown pocket and then hid it in the drawer next to the bed. I brought a chisel, bin bag and cable ties up too. I got him to wear an eye mask. It was harder than I thought it would be. Hiding his body was bad. Moving a body is much more difficult than it looks on TV. I started to believe the cover story. Flashes interrupted…..''

The diary was the smoking gun and it was obvious that Fiona could no longer handle the lies and the knowledge of what she had done. The only regret she seemed to have was that she didn't leave Nicholas sooner. Even after she had brutally killed him and buried his body in the garden under rubble like he was a piece of trash on a dump site, there was no shred of remorse or sadness just anger at how he had treated her. She blamed him for everything, said that he had drove her to it. She believed he was fully responsible for the person that she had become. She wished that she had left him but she felt powerless because she took on board all the things he had said to her. 

Fiona confessed to the murder of Nicholas Billingham and was sentenced to a minimum of 20 years. She said that his last words to her was 'Why?'

Nicholas's mother admitted that her son was no angel and had made mistakes but did not deserve what had happened to him. As well as losing her beloved son, she had to deal with the fact that his body had been buried in the garden and had laid there for 4 months. She thought back to the many times that she would drop in to visit Fiona for a coffee, even though she was under the belief that Nicholas was no longer with Fiona, they kept a friendly relationship. It deeply traumatized his mother (as it would to anyone) that she was basically standing a few feet away from her deceased son and had no idea, plus she had trusted this woman that she thought she had known for 17 years who turned out to be a cold-murderer. 

RIP to Nicholas Billingham & thoughts go out to his family and friends. 

Further Reading & Sources:

- The Murder of Nicholas Billingham | The Crown Prosecution Service

- Fiona Beal: Article | BBC News

- Killer In The House: Documentary | ITVX

- DCI Adam Pendlebury | Case Discussion Segment

- Public Statements After Verdict | Sky News

- Sentencing Remarks | Judiciary UK

This case was not only a heavily disturbing story but another example of how the female can be just as deadly as the male. Fiona was a very well-liked primary school teacher who sang songs with little children and would be a shoulder to cry on with friends. She was respected, admired and was approachable but no matter how lovely someone may appear, you never know what is going on and in this case, she could have walked away. Investigators say that her writings in her diary about being abused and not being able to leave are exaggerated. They claim that Fiona had plenty of opportunities to leave Nicholas, there were plenty of relatives and friends she could have turned to and stayed with. She also had money, a car and other means to escape if she really wanted to. There was no history of violence reported to the police. I have to point out that I'm aware that people can be psychologically controlled by someone to the point that they feel they can't leave, even if they do have access to a car etc. I'm also very much aware that just because there is no history of domestic violence on police record, that doesn't mean that there is no history of domestic violence. We know that the majority of cases are sadly not reported to the police. 

If you are experiencing psychological or physical abuse in your relationship, please try and reach out for help (I know it's extremely difficult and frightening but please know that you are not alone and feel free to reach out to me if that helps, I will keep everything confidential, you can email me at jocaledoniankitty@gmail.com and if you're in trouble and need help, in the email just say that you are a big fan of my blog and would love to take part in my quiz about true crime. I will do what I can to help). If you can get access to a phone or computer, please reach out to the following if you can:

In the UK:

Refuge (24 Hour Free Helpline) 0808 2000 247 / https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Woman's Aid: https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Victim Support: 08 08 16 89 111 / https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/domestic-abuse/

In the USA:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Message: 88788 or call (800) 799-7233 / https://www.thehotline.org/

Worldwide: 

List of Worldwide Domestic Abuse Helplines

Such a horrific story and I appreciate it if you have made it this far in the post. I hope you will join me in the next one In the meantime, I hope you see you on my Socials

Take care and stay safe until next time....

So if you've clicked on this post, the chances are that you have watched the much anticipated documentary on Netflix, The Investigation of Lucy Letby. You may already be aware that I have written about Lucy's case a couple of times before, and to say it was a very long, drawn out investigation and trial...is an understatement, with so many stops and starts along the way.

If you're not already familiar with this case or have not read my blogs about it, please check out: 

Lucy Letby: Nurse Accused of Baby Deaths...But is She Really Guilty?

Nurses Who Kill: Beverley Allitt .....And Lucy Letby?

Like so many people with this heartbreaking and very disturbing case, I have been back and forth with opinions about it. This documentary gave us a bit more insight into the timeline of events and what was going on behind the scenes, whilst we all looked at our TV screens in horror, at the thought of someone murdering innocent babies in a Hospital setting. 

One of the toughest job's in the world is being a parent and having to go through a pregnancy with this little life growing inside you is the stuff that miracles are made of. I can imagine a Mother of a newborn child sitting in hospital after giving birth with the feeling of relief that the labour was over, and that her baby was in safe hands, being checked over by the Nurses and Doctors. It's an incredibly vulnerable position to be in and it's very important that a Mother is given the proper care and support she needs as well as the newborn baby. In this case we saw babies who all of a sudden started to deteriorate very quickly out of nowhere and apparently when these poor babies had met their end, there seemed to be the common factor that Lucy Letby was always present. 

As you know in the beginning at the hospital in question (Countess of Chester) parents often trusted the medical staff to look after their babies, but one by one these little angels were passing away and nobody could understand it. There was a lot of evidence pointing in the direction of Lucy Letby after an investigation had been made. She was eventually arrested, convicted and sentenced to 15 life sentences. As horrific as this case has been, the conclusion to the trial should have been the end of it all, but opinions were divided and it's continued to this very day. 

After I had published my posts, I was being sent emails and messages with various information about Lucy Letby. There is a strong number of people who are in support of her having a re-trial. I have to be honest and say that I thought in the beginning that this was appalling and disrespectful to the victims and their families. I was being asked to sign petitions and write about her supposed 'innocence' on my blog. 

After following this case for the past few years and watching this documentary some things have been made clear to me and it is a fact that she did not have a fair trial but do I think she is innocent? In the documentary you could see in the police camera footage Lucy's demeanour whilst they were in her house. I remember thinking how child-like she was and almost acting like a scared or confused teenage girl. At one point during her arrest she naively asked the police if they were going to search her house and then requested if she could cuddle her cat. 

Call it shock but her reaction to everything that was happening was quite interesting for someone who had been accused of the deaths of a number of babies. You'd expect there to be a lot of emotion, screaming, protests of innocence. Lucy just had this whole aura of the game being up for her. When she cuddled her cat it made me wonder because Lucy like a lot of us saw her cats as her babies, her children, and it was like she knew that she wasn't going to be coming back. If you were 100% innocent, you'd say goodbye to your Cats or your Dogs but usually in a quick manner because you knew you'd be seeing them later. 

Lucy is very close to her parents and in my opinion they babied her for a lot of her life. So she was a fully grown adult woman with a responsible role but her parents were still at her beck and call. I'm not an expert but it almost seemed that there was two sides to Lucy, the side that she had shown her parents, relatives and friends, and the other side that was on that hospital ward. To her parents, relatives and friends, she was a gentle character so it was extremely hard for them to believe that there was the possibility that she could have an evil streak in her. In her police interrogation sessions, she would lie about certain things, for example having 250 personal medical documents which contained details about her alleged victims, she claimed she just put them in her pocket and forget to get rid of them. She claimed to not have a shredder in the house but the police found one in working order in one of her rooms. 

She claimed not to have known about a certain baby's death and medical history but she had notes about the child in her diary as well as medical documents. Another thing that flagged up to me was when she told investigators that she was distraught that she had been let go from the medical unit and that colleagues had suspected that she had been the cause of the deaths. She said she felt guilty that she had possibly been responsible for what had happened to them. She still claimed that she was innocent but she was blaming herself and anything that she had written down on papers in her house was because she was feeling depressed and felt that her colleagues were against her. A therapist reportedly advised her to write down her feelings as a way to off-load. 

In the documentary we heard from other experts who claim that there is a huge possibility that Lucy is innocent and they believe that she should have a re-trial. To the experts that believe Lucy to be guilty, they say that these certain experts are only able to produce theories and not actual evidence to support what they're saying.

Expert witnesses were not called for the defence during Lucy's trial which is puzzling but maybe her team thought that she was without hope? A lot of evidence pointed towards Lucy, do I think she is guilty? I can't say 100% for sure, she could be guilty for some of the heartbreaking deaths of some of the babies but there might be a cover-up to protect other colleagues who could have also been responsible? So many questions and so little answers. The answers we have gotten, a lot of them don't make any sense. As painful as it is and my heart goes out to all of the victims, the parents and their families....I think there should be a re-trial and the presentation of the defence's arguments and explanations together with actual evidence that could explain the other possible reasons for the deaths of these little babies. 

Another thought in my mind was the possibility that Lucy had a split personality disorder, the angelic side that she had shown to her parents and those close to her. Then the other side who could possibly be responsible for carrying out these horrific murders but almost being in a trance whilst she carried her crimes out. So to her, she may have felt like someone else was harming these poor babies? As part of a possible re-trial it would also be interesting to have a few opinions about Lucy's actual mental state. 

I think the documentary was interesting and did throw up some pieces of information which may have not been available to the public before. But I can see from online socials, emails and talking to relatives that there is very much still that divide of opinion. I think there should be a re-trial where everything is laid on the table, both sides of the argument for and against together with evidence so that Lucy has a fair trial. This may reveal that she was indeed 100% guilty of everything she was accused of or she could be guilty of some of the deaths. Which could also open up a can of worms because investigations would have to be held into her colleagues and could possibly reveal that other people were also responsible for the deaths but this is just me speculating not saying that this is the case. The fact is that as painful as it is, the victims, their parents and their families have to know the 100% truth of what happened and who was possibly responsible? It would also put to bed the endless speculation and public pressure for answers. 

This was a case that threw everything into the spotlight and highlighted the struggles that we have within the NHS. Staff are very much overworked and underpaid that's been the unfortunate fact for years. Sometimes it's all about hitting targets, covering up scandals, making money and protecting pensions and reputations. 

I don't know what the outcome of this documentary will mean for Lucy Letby, the public demand for a re-trial is there so it all depends. I know that I will be continuing to follow any new developments but my heart always goes out to the babies and their parents. 

What are your true thoughts after watching the documentary? Are your views the same or have they changed? Let me know in the comments below or email me in confidence at jocaledoniankitty@gmail.com 

I hope to see you elsewhere on my socials, you can find all of my links here

As always, please stay safe and I hope you will join me for the next post x

This is one of those horrendous cases that just gets worse and worse the more you get into the sickening details of it. I had this case requested by one of my readers last year and as I sat down the other night to do my research to finally cover it, I felt sick every time my pen hit my pad as I took my notes. I was determined to see it through though as difficult as that is and share this story with you, for those who have not heard about it. I warn you to brace yourself for this because I can't even put into words the pure evil that is pictured above in this post. Those eyes...those cold, dead, soulless eyes that belong to Damien Bendall. 

That name might ring a bell to those of my readers and friends that live here in the UK but further afield you might be not be familiar with this particular monster until this moment. As we move through the post (as I stated in the beginning) the details shared will become more difficult and I understand if you cannot continue further, I just wanted to warn you before proceeding. So let's take a deep breath and get into this deeply disturbing nightmare of a case....

Terri Harris was a beautiful, kind and caring 35 year old woman who worked very hard in her role as a careworker looking after vulnerable people at a care facility. It was always in her nature to help others and was always the type of friend who would give you advice and support when times were hard. She was also a very loving mother to her two children, Lacey and John-Paul. Originally a London girl with a huge obsession with the football team 'West Ham', Terri had a great sense of humour and was both a girly girl and a bit of a tom boy too. Never one to shy away from hardwork she also taught her children how to appreciate the little things in life as well as the importance of manners. 

When Terri was 17 she moved to Sheffield with her mother and it must have been quite a difference for her from London. Being the outgoing and bubbly girl that she was it didn't take that long for her to settle in and make friends as well as a romantic interest. Terri met a handsome young man named Jason Bennett and the pair fell deeply in love and eventually married, having the two beautiful children, Lacey and John-Paul. The couple had been through a lot together in their 15 years, you could say that they also grew up together but sadly as some situations can go, they began to drift apart although they still cared about each other. It got to the point that they both decided that the marriage was no longer going to work but they were determined to remain friends and do their best for the children. Jason was in regular contact with Lacey and John-Paul and they were able to work things out where, despite the breakdown of the marriage, the children still felt that they could have a close, regular relationship with their father. 

Whilst I was doing my research about this case, I had various things going through my mind but I did think a lot about Jason and how all of what later happened must have affected him (and obviously still affects him to this very day). There was this beautiful woman who he fell in love with, married, spend years with and had two adorable children with and then.....the most unthinkable, horrendous nightmare of events that came later. Jason lost so much in the most horrendously cruel and evil way. I cannot even begin to imagine what he must be going through. 

So, Terri found herself now a single mother of 2 children at the age of 35 and she was still wanting to have a romantic life which is understandable, she worked hard, did her best for the children and she just wanted some fun time for herself. Lacey was like a little doll at just 11 years old with beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair, she was like a little star, a Diva in the making. She enjoyed acting, performing and dancing. She loved to attend dance classes and was a very loving and giving child. John-Paul was more laid back but wore his heart on his sleeve, always well mannered and polite. There was no mistake about it, Terri and Jason had done a wonderful job raiding these two amazing children. Lacy and John-Paul were close too, they may have had little disagreements here and there but on the whole they surprisingly got on really well for a brother and sister, they were very good at sharing and being patient with each other. 

Terri had been working so hard and missed the feeling of romance in her life and had talked to friends who were members of an online dating site. She was nervous at first but decided to take the plunge and sign up, not knowing what to expect. As predicted she did get some creepy messages and didn't think it was going to be worth the bother but then one guy looked quite promising....a guy who she thought was quite attractive, who loved football (a different team to her beloved West Ham but that didn't bother her), seemed to be a bit of a joker, a charmer and very much a masculine man. He had tattoos and knew what to say to her to get the butterflies going in her stomach. As the weeks went on the feelings and attraction was obviously mutual and it went from messages on the site to phone calls and texts to meeting for dates. 

In person 31 year old Damien Bendall was all stories and 'Jack The Lad' persona but this excited Terri, he had a bit of a 'bad boy' streak about him and would brag about certain things that he had supposedly done in the past. What Terri didn't know about him was that he was full of hot air to put it politely. He didn't tell her the real truth about himself or his 'real' past but he loved to brag that he was a bit of a hard case and if anyone dare upset him three times then it would be the last thing they ever did. A lot of people who knew him described him as very much a 'plastic gangster' who had watched the movie 'The Football Factory' one too many times and fancied himself as bit of a Danny Dyer type of guy. It was all a bit pathetic to be honest and does make one wonder what on earth Terri saw in him but he was good at saying the right things to make her feel good. 

Red flags were there for all to see from day one but for some reason Terri chose to brush them aside and I mean that as no disrespect to her. Sometimes when you fall in love you kinda let some things slide but some of the red flags were too shocking to ignore but she believed that she could change him. He bragged about being a Chelsea Football Club fan and had tattoos dedicated to the club as well as scarves and T-shirts. His knuckles were tattooed 'True Blue' as a tribute to the team....all of this but he'd never actually set foot in the club's grounds! Even more disturbing was his legs were covered in Nazi tattoos, he was obsessed with Nazis but when asked a question about Nazi Germany during WW2 he had no clue how to answer, he had absolutely no idea of the history of the Nazis or Germany but he like to pose because he thought the tattoos made him look like a hard man. 

Damien Bendall was a fantasist who just made ridiculous stories up about himself as he went along. The truth was, that he was a pathetic career criminal who had been committing petty crime since childhood. He was involved in numerous thefts and committed acts of arson for which he was in and out of prison. One of the most horrific facts of his past which demonstrates the sheer evil and sick mind of this monster (and a horrible taste of what he was capable of) was his attitude towards animals. A friend of his had a dog who was very ill and he couldn't afford to take the animal to a vet. Damien offered to sort out his friend's dilemma by offering to kill the dog. He said ''I'll do it for free....with a brick.''

The evil and sick monster killed the dog with the brick and acted like the whole thing was no problem. 

Terri and Damien were growing closer very fast and couldn't keep their hands off of each other so it was no surprise when she fell pregnant. Terri's mother and friends were very concerned because they'd not long met online and she'd fallen very hard and fast for him and now she was pregnant. Despite concerns from those closest to her, Terri decided to follow her heart and moved from Sheffield with the children to a place called Killamarsh in Derbyshire into a house with Damien. So basically in a matter of months, they'd met online, met up, fell in love, Terri fell pregnant and now they were all moving in together, all in the space of 5 months. Despite the red flags, Nazi tattoo's on the legs, things not adding up and......the fact that Damien was a serious drug addict didn't seem to fan any flames for Terri. Damien was taking drugs at various points of the day, it wasn't just a social habit, he needed a hit first thing in the morning and he also had alcohol issues too. He had been having issues with hard drugs and alcohol since his teens. He was also prone to mood swings especially if he couldn't get high. It's not known to what level Terri was privy to this but living with someone 24/7 you would think that she would have an idea but none of us know how the situation played out, he may have taken drugs in the bathroom away from the family, who knows? 

Terri knew he had issues and to what extent remains unclear but she told loved ones and friends that she wanted to help him. He was always in and out of trouble and ended up getting on the wrong side of the law again after committing another act of arson. He was placed on probation and had a tag on his ankle to monitor him for curfew. He was bailed to Terri's address and this was a huge, terrifying mistake because Damien Bendall was a ticking timebomb who was continuing to spiral without the drugs. He attended regular meetings with his probation officer and several warning signs were not noted especially when he threatened that he would murder Terri and her children if the relationship was ever to turn sour. He was a highly dangerous individual and a real threat to Terri and the children but despite his unhinged behaviour and terrifying outbursts and threats, he was deemed 'medium risk' instead of 'high risk'. In reality, Damien Bendall should have been locked up but they just let him walk out, it was a pathetic and downright dangerous thing for the probation team to do. It wasn't just the one officer who dealt with him, there was others too and all of them turned a blind eye. 

So Damien Bendall was in the house with Terri, Lacey, John-Paul and Lacey's friend Connie on the evening of the 18th of September 2021. It was a typical Saturday night and the girls had been out in the park earlier. They had set up a little stall trying to sell sweets to help raise money for Cancer Research. Connie Gent was also just 11 years old and a very good friend of Lacey's. The girls had similar personalities and loved to do things to help other people. Connie was invited to stay over at the house that night and the girls were getting ready to go to the bedroom. John-Paul was getting ready to go to his room too. As the children were getting ready for bed, Damien Bendall was downstairs pacing the floor trying to call his drug dealer over and over again and getting more frustrated. He'd been taking drugs all day long and had run out of them, he wanted cocaine. 

For some horrendous reason Damien Bendall picked up a claw hammer and decided he was going to go on a sickening rampage in that house. He attacked his pregnant partner Terri brutally smashing her skull with the claw hammer. The scene was later described as a bloodbath. He then marched upstairs and found 13 year old John-Paul in the bathroom, the poor little boy enduring the same horrific fate as his mother and unborn brother/sister. He then made his way to where the girls were and using the same method, he murdered 11 year old Connie before turning his attentions to Lacey. Both Lacey and John-Paul was later to have been found during autopsy that they had defensive wounds on their arms indicating that they tried to fight for their lives, it's unbelievably heartbreaking. 

Lacey was the last to be murdered and the monster took his time with her as if he had planned it. He later told investigators another pack of lies saying that he had blacked out during the murders and had no idea what he was doing, but that sick freak knew fine well what he was doing! It was like he was acting out a sick fantasy that he had harboured in his mind for some time. Lacey was attacked with the claw hammer and whilst the poor child lay bleeding and dying from her horrific head injuries, he r*ped her, not once but twice and the second time he even placed a mirror in front of himself and Lacey so he could watch himself as he did it. He r*aped Lacey as she lay dying and then committed this horrendous and sickening act of pure evil again when she was deceased. 

He cleaned himself up a little bit but still had some blood on him, he put the games console in a bag and was seen pacing about the streets trying to sell this games console. At some point he had gotten into a taxi and the driver asked him if he had been having a good night to which he replied ''Not too bad....a bit mad.''

He managed to get his hands on some drugs and made his way back to Terri's house where he tried to pathetically end his life with a bread knife but like all raving psychotic narcissists, he couldn't bring himself to do that much damage to himself. He ended up calling the police at 7:26 am that Sunday morning declaring 'I've just murdered 4 people.''

Killamarsh was not known for criminal activity, it was quite a laid back place with nothing much happening but this case shocked the local community to it's core. The police arrived at the house to find Damien Bendall sat outside wearing a long black coat looking calm. There was no red eyes, not a tear to be seen, no emotion at all. The police noticed that he had blood on him and he explained that he had harmed himself with a knife. He told the police what he had done and they called for backup. Keeping him outside, some of the police went in to check the scene and what they found was utterly horrendous. Damien was arrested and taken to the police station.

Throughout everything he never shed a tear, no apologies, no regrets. He joked about the fact that Killamarsh was not used to murder and asked if he had technically murdered five people instead of 4 because Terri was pregnant. He confessed to the murders but not the horrific r*apes. During the autopsy of Lacey's body this sickening fact was discovered with his DNA so he knew there was no getting away from that either. He confessed to everything and was charged with four counts of first degree murder and r*pe of a child under 13. 

In December of 2022, Damien Bendall was given a whole life order meaning he will never leave prison alive. 

Since Damien has been behind bars he has continued to be involved in trouble, in a recent incident he tried to murder a fellow inmate with a hammer. He is set to begin his attempted murder trial in March this year (2026 at time of writing). 

The horrendous failing of the probation staff was called into question and a thorough investigation took place where over 50 failings were found. Apparently they have made a lot of huge changes and spent millions on training, hiring new staff and changing procedures to ensure that this never happens again. Let's hope that it never ever does. 

RIP Terri, your unborn baby, Lacey, John-Paul and Connie. I wish you were still here and you should still be with us. My thoughts also to Jason and the families and friends of all involved. It's so difficult to know what to say but my heart is with them all. 

Further Reading & Sources:

- Damien Bendall: Article | Durham Police

- Damien Bendall: Article | BBC News

- Damien Bendall: Article | The Guardian

- Killamarsh Murders | Wikipedia

- Damien Bendall: Article | The Independent

- Damien Bendall: Court Documents

This was so difficult to write about and research. I know it was a very harrowing read too and I appreciate it if you have made it this far in this post. Thank you to my reader who requested this case and I hope you will all join me in my next post. In the meantime please come say hello on my Socials

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I'm still working on my book as we speak whilst bringing you content here on my blog every week. I'm keeping the exact details of the book under wraps because I'm such a perfectionist and I want it to be perfect! It was never my intention to rush into publishing a book for the sake of it, if I'm going to do it then I'm going to do it right (All of a sudden Wham just popped up in my head lol). 

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*Please be aware that the details in this post are very disturbing. As always, I have tried to be as sensitive as I can be whilst sharing the facts of the case. If you have any questions or comments about this post or any case that I have covered and would like to contact me in confidence, please do so at jocaledoniankitty@gmail.com*

You would think that with Robert Hansen being one of the most terrifying and sadistic Serial Killers in American history, that he would be more widely known but surprisingly few have heard of him. Those who may be unfamiliar with his sickening crimes will never forget about him once you learn the horrors of what this monster did during his reign of terror, which reportedly lasted just over a decade (12 years to be exact). 

Those who have watched the 2013 movie 'The Frozen Ground' may have learned about him and decided to look him up online and found yourself on my blog, in which case...hello and welcome! I hope that some of the details that I share in this post will give you even more insight to how truly evil this man was, his background, his crimes and the aftermath. Other people who have joined me in this horrific story in this particular post (my regular readers) welcome back to you too. This is my first post of 2026 and to say I have begun this year on this blog, on a very dark note...is an understatement, but this is reality and these heartbreaking, disturbing stories need to be told, the victims remembered and the monsters put on full display for all to see for we must never forget the pain and suffering such evil individuals have caused. We also have to remind ourselves how fragile we truly are and as much as you can never predict what is around the corner, the best we can all do is try to keep ourselves as safe as possible. 

So with all that being said, let's get into the background and story of the monster nicknamed 'The Butcher Baker'

Robert Christian Boes Hansen was born in Estherville, Iowa (USA) on the 15th of February 1939. His father was a Danish Immigrant and baker who ran a successful bakery business which kept the family afloat. His upbringing was quite strict with a lot of focus on hard work, Robert would be under orders to help out in his father's business and that often meant very long hours. Robert's father taught him from scratch how to have a successful career as a skilled baker. His life at school was quite a difficult one, he struggled with social gatherings, was often described as a loner and had battled with low self-esteem due to a stammer which he was viciously mocked for. The more the other kids bullied him, the worse his stammer would get and he would feel powerless to stop it. To add to the difficulties he faced at school, his confidence with girls was also very low and he wouldn't know how to hold a conversation or behave around them, he appeared awkward, strange, and this would add to the bullying with girls laughing at him which he found even more difficult to deal with. He dreamed of a day that he could stand up to everyone, control his stammer and get some sort of revenge on all who wronged him. 

His experiences at school had a profound effect on him and the anger he felt during these times would forever flash back in his mind throughout the rest of his life. To him, the bullying went on beyond just immature kids teasing, he took everything personal and his experiences at school mentally scarred him. From his early beginnings at school all the way up to his teenage years, school continued to be a never-ending nightmare and the bullies had more fuel because Robert had a serious problem with Acne. No matter what he tried to do to help his skin condition clear up, it just got more irritated and worse. It seemed in his mind that he couldn't win no matter what he did and still the girls continued to laugh at him, nobody would go on a date with him, the isolation became immense. 

Overworked as a child, lonely, no confidence and no friends, Robert retreated into himself completely and created his own dark world, a world in which he was truly powerful. Because he couldn't take his anger and frustration out on the bullies and all who he deemed had wronged him, he chose innocent animals who were smaller and weaker than him. He would hunt animals, torture them, kill them and this gave him a sick sense of control and power. He lived in a world of sick fantasies and as well as having a real taste for hunting, he was fascinated with fire and enjoyed destroying things with fire. 

It was clear that Robert was on a really dark road and at this point he became aware of what he was doing and for some reason or another, he decided he wanted to stop and make a real proper go of things at life. He joined the United States Army Reserves and lasted about a year but it wasn't to be, however he did meet a woman and fell in love which gave him a confidence boost but by then the rot had already set in years before. The moment he started to hunt animals and enjoyed their suffering was a pivotal moment. He took joy in destruction, in causing pain, it gave him a sense of control and power which he felt eluded him in the past. By 1960 he was 21 and married but still had an axe to grind due to pent up anger, regrets and scars he couldn't shake off. Along with a friend he decided to set fire to a school bus garage and ended up behind bars. His wife decided she'd had enough and refused to stand by him so at the age of just 21 he found himself divorced, on the wrong side of the law with no direction in life. 

He didn't serve a full sentence for the arson and was released early, instead of this being a lesson to be learned, he managed to get himself into trouble on a regular basis after this, a prison cell became a regular sight at this period of his life. Despite racking up a criminal record he managed to meet and find love with another woman who he married and later had two children with. For some time after his troubled stint on the wrong side of the law it looked like he was ready to settle down. He and his family moved to Anchorage, Alaska and opened a successful bakery which was a hit with the local community, everyone found him to be a pleasant guy, even the cops would drop by and order donuts and pastries from his store. He had a reputation for being a successful businessman who, like his father, had built his business from the ground up so he had a lot of respect from people. 

Despite the success with the bakery and being a family man you'd have thought that the demons of the past that had continued to haunt him over the years had finally been banished. After all, he'd overcome so many challenges, he had a wife and children who loved him and was a well-liked and popular member of the community but no matter the good things in his life (good things that would have been enough for other people) he couldn't shake off the memories and the blood-lust or the craving for the high that he would get from hunting and destroying things. This time however, as sickening as it was that his targets were animals, his fantasies deepened and spiralled out of control. He wanted to have women at his disposal. For years he fantasised about getting revenge for all those years before when they all laughed at him, he still felt not good enough and he wanted people to suffer. 

So he led a double life, one was the popular, hard-working family man, devoted father and keen hunter (it's not my cup of tea as an animal lover but in some cultures, that horrific act is considered a sport. I have my opinions on hunting, I think it should be banned all over the world, but that's another discussion for elsewhere). The other was a complete monster who had a thirst for abducting, torturing, raping and murdering women. His fantasies of what he wanted to do to women was reportedly to have became a terrifying reality around 1972. At first it began with abductions and sexual assaults which soon escalated to murder. He had an addiction to targeting sex workers who he determined to be easy prey, he would pretend to some of the girls that he was a photographer who could help them out with photographs. He would befriend the girls and offer them money to gain their trust. In 1976 there was a brief pause of his evil crimes when he was imprisoned for theft but he was soon back on the streets again. He just went right back to his sick activities. 

Robert Hansen was a skilled flyer and had his own private plane, he would use his plane as part of his sick ritual with his victims. The women would be abducted and he would have handcuffs in his car, one side of the cuffs was locked into the car so that when the victim was in the passenger seat he would grab them and slap the other cuff onto them preventing them from escaping. He said that it became like second nature. He would tell the girls to go along with what he said and do what he wanted, he promised he would let them go. The girls would be taken aboard his plane and flown to his remote cabin in the Alaskan bush. Sometimes on a rare occasion he would let a girl go, take her back on to his plane and she would be able to escape under the threat that if she ever told anyone what happened, he would tell the police that she was a sex worker. With the majority of young girls and women (his victims were aged between 16 and 41) he would take them to the cabin, torture them, rape them and then play an even sickening game of cat and mouse with them along a river known as the Knik River. He would take the majority of his victims there and he would have them stripped naked and set them out into this location where he would take sickening joy chasing these terrified young women and girls for hours and days at a time as they tried to survive the bitter cold and his raging bullets. He would hunt them, shoot them like he did in the past with the animals he killed. Some of the women died due to the freezing temperatures and their bodies later found during police searches, their remains found in the very same places they tried to hide from him. 

The exact known number of murdered victims of Robert Hansen is not known, the number 17 is thrown around but there are victims who have been identified and so many that have not. His weapons of choice were a .22 Caliber Ruger Mini-14 rifle and a hunting knife. One of his victims who had managed to escape was a 17 year old girl by the name of Cindy Paulson in 1983. Cindy had been a working girl who had been abducted and repeatedly tortured and raped by Robert Hansen. It was a miracle that she survived and how she did manage to escape is gut-wrenching. Like so many other terrified women and girls, Cindy had been kidnapped by this monster, taken back to his cabin, chained up, tortured and raped for hours before being taken aboard his private plane to be thrown out into the wilderness to be hunted to death. Cindy in a split second took her chance to escape when he was briefly distracted as they were boarding the plane. She got out and ran for her life. Cindy was quick on her feet and in her mind, she made sure that she left her shoes behind on the plane so that if he did catch-up with her and kill her (in the hope that he was eventually captured by the police) there would be evidence on the plane that she had been there and that she had sadly been one of his victims. 

Cindy was able to get to safety by a kind passer-by and told the police everything that happened. One of the sad facts about this horrible case is the police's narrow-minded opinion in regards to sex work and the whole negative opinion about sex workers not being taken seriously as victims. Robert Hansen was seen as this well-liked, hardworking family man and sadly, Cindy was seen as a (in their words) prostitute who was full of trouble and not to be trusted. Cindy described in details everything that happened, everything about Robert Hansen himself, the locations, the furniture, the plane....everything....but the police were not taking her seriously. Robert Hansen told the police that he did meet Cindy for sexual services and that she was just bitter and wanting revenge because he refused to pay her for sex. Robert had also managed to get a friend to lie for him so he had an alibi. Sickeningly, the cops let him go. This alibi was later retracted as his friend's wife came forward to say that her husband had indeed lied for Robert as he thought that he was just helping his friend, who he had believed, at the time, to be an innocent man. 

You may have seen me talk a lot about the legendary John Douglas (FBI Criminal Profiler) and he was instrumental in this case along with a patrolman known as Officer Baker (who had believed Cindy's story from the start). During the investigation into the missing women and discovering of certain victims, the cops suspected they were on the trail of a serial killer, with John's help they were able to have a complete profile of the suspect they were looking for and incredibly, John had described Robert Hansen completely, all the way down to his speech impediment. 

Robert Hansen's property was eventually searched and the amount of evidence was overwhelming. Like so many serial killers, Robert had kept trophies of his victims, jewelry etc. At first he refused to co-operate but gave up in the end when he knew the odds were all stacked against him. The cops had also found a chilling map which covered the location of where Robert would take his victims to hunt them. On this map there was 37 X's in various locations, some of these X's were identified as burial places but the majority have never been identified. As I mentioned before, he is believed to be responsible for more than the 17 murders he was accused of. He was also accused of raping at least 30 women who had survived their horrific ordeal. In the 12 years of horror that this monster had been carrying out these sick fantasies and murders, nobody knows for sure how many deaths he is responsible for and if the unknown and unidentified victims will ever be found. 

Robert Hansen confessed to just four murders as part of a plea deal and was sentenced to four counts of first-degree murder without the possibility of parole. He died at the age of 75 in August of 2014 after suffering years of ill health. 

RIP to all of the victims of Robert Hansen, the small number who were identified and the ones who may never be identified. My thoughts also to the numerous survivors and to Cindy who by some miracle had managed to escape and tell the world what this monster had done. So much respect also to Officer Baker, John Douglas and the cops who did do the right thing and brought this monster to justice. 

Further Reading & Sources:

- The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers | Book by Michael Newton

- The Hunt: The True Story of Alaska's Most Notorious Serial Killer: Robert Hansen | Book by Ryan Green

- Robert Hansen | Murderpedia

- Robert Hansen | Wikipedia

- Hunter's Game: The FBI Files (Documentary)

- The Frozen Ground (Movie based on the Robert Hansen case)

- Robert Hansen Victim Article | Alaska.Gov

- Anchorage, Alaska | Wikipedia

- The Butcher Baker | Discovery Plus (Documentary)

- John E Douglas | Wikipedia

Thank you as always for taking the time to check out my latest post, I hope you will join me in the next one. 

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Stay safe, until next time x 

As we approach the Christmas holiday what better way to spend some of it than to binge-watch a bunch of movies that have been inspired by infamous serial killers. I have listed just 5 below and where you can find them as well as a brief backstory of each serial killer that inspired them. Let me know if you have seen any of these movies and what your opinion of them is (in the comments section below or email me: jocaledoniankitty@gmail.com). 

1: No Man of God: This movie is inspired by the infamous serial killer Ted Bundy's regular correspondence and meetings with legendary FBI special agent Bill Hagmaier (played by actor Elijah Wood) in the run up to his execution in January 1989. Ted Bundy was responsible for the numerous sexual assaults, tortures and murders of young women and girls in the mid to late 70s. His youngest victim was just 12 years old. I have covered Ted Bundy's horrific crimes as few times on this blog. You can find my previous posts about him here: Ted Bundy In His Own Words, here: 10 Facts You May Not Know About Serial Killer......Ted Bundy and The Many Faces of Ted Bundy. 

2: Wolf Creek: This horror movie is one of my favourites and will keep you on the edge of your seat. The story is based on the chilling backpacker murders in the outbacks of Australia by the infamous serial killer Ivan Milat. i previously covered his case here: The Backpacker Serial Killer: Ivan Milat, I also wrote about his nephew Matthew: Like Uncle, Like Nephew: Ivan & Matthew Milat. 

3: The Clovehitch Killer: This movie is based on the infamous Serial Killer Dennis Rader otherwise known as B.T.K (Bind, Torture, Kill). It follows the story of a teenage boy who suspects that his father is a Serial killer. I have written about BTK a few times on my blog in stand alone posts and whilst discussing other cases, but some of the posts you may be interested in if you are wanting to know more of a backstory about him from my take, check out: Shocking Facts & More About Dennis Rader AKA...BTK and 10 Facts About Dennis Rader You May Not Know

4: To Catch A Killer: If you are a regular reader of my blog you just know that I was going to end up mentioning this because I will shout about it until the cows come home. The chilling portrayal of Serial Killer John Wayne Gacy by the late, fantastic actor, Brian Dennehy has to be one of the most terrifying and accurate portrayals of a Serial Killer on screen. This movie is decades old but is still one of the best. A lot of books and documentaries about John Wayne Gacy are out there but I know my readers like to read my take on his crimes and the investigation. I have previously talked about John on this blog a few times but some posts that you might be interested in are: ''I May Be The 34th Victim....4 Other People Had Keys To My House...- John Wayne Gacy'',  10 Facts You May Not Know About John Wayne Gacy and the post I had written about the young man Jason Moss who became so obsessed with Serial Killers that he began writing to Gacy and the pair developed a sinister friendship: John Moss: The Young Man Who Wrote To Serial Killers & It Ruined His Life

5: The Frozen Ground: The infamous Serial Killer Robert Hansen also known as the 'Butcher Baker' was responsible for the horrific sexual assaults, abductions and murders of 17+ women. In The Frozen Ground he is chillingly portrayed by the actor John Cusack. Nicolas Cage also stars as the Detective leading the investigation.It's quite a gripping film and of course the backstory is very disturbing. I will be writing about Robert Hansen in more depth in a future post but check out the movie if you can. 

Well, those are 5 movies that I have included in this post but we know there are so much more, what are your recommendations? Leave them below if you like. I hope you have a wonderful holiday and (Merry Christmas) to those like myself who celebrate and.....all the best for 2026!! 

[If you have enjoyed my posts this year and found them informative and want to help support my work, please consider buying me a coffee here, thank you soooooo much!!)

Stay safe & see you in the next post (in 2026!) x