The Aftermath... | Personal Post

First of all let me start by saying a BIG thank you to all of the people who read my frightening stalking experience and for all the messages, emails and comments, I really appreciate it. 

It wasn't an easy thing to write about and I tried to narrow everything down as much as I could into the six posts. There was quite a lot of awful things that I didn't include but I didn't want the posts to drag on and on and felt that six posts was enough for people to get an idea of what I went through.

Although it wasn't easy to write about and share online, it did feel therapeutic and I was pleased to read so many people (both male and female) tell me that they could relate to my experience or something similar had happened to them.

After all of that drama you're probably wondering what happened afterwards, how did I move on?, did I manage to move on? etc...

I'm going to tell you what happened to me afterwards. When you go through something like that, whether it be stalking or trying to get away from an abusive relationship, it isn't easy, you go through a period of paranoia, heightened anxiety, PTSD, depression, exhaustion, social phobia, Insomnia, irritability, Panic disorder, adrenal fatigue, avoidance behaviours, night terrors....the list goes on!

I had hit a bad patch of my life after this, I had to move out of my home, I had no job because I had to leave because of him & I had financial difficulties so I went downhill with my depression and all of the things I just mentioned, I was a mess physically and psychologically.

At the time I thought the end of the world was coming for me, everything just seemed to be going wrong but looking back now, I'm so glad that I moved out of that house as much as I loved it. I literally turned into a shadow of my former self. For the time that I had left in that house, I became a hermit, I wouldn't leave the house at all and the curtains were always shut. I would still light candles and would spend most of my time in my bedroom upstairs with a knife in my bedroom drawer. This sounds off the scale right now as I type it but that was the frame of mind that I was in. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and because he wouldn't leave me alone and still proceeded to park his car up the road from where I lived, I still had that fear that he was going to pop up at any moment.

If I had loads of money at that point, I would've left the country. This went on for months until I had to leave. I stayed indoors right till the very day that I had to move out and even then I was looking over my shoulder. I can't remember if I mentioned this in my stalker posts but he did threaten to burn my house down, have me gang raped and then set on fire. he also said that he would never let me be happy. These words stuck in my mind so I was hyper vigilant with everything. 

So, this post is about how I got my life and myself back. You can never really get over something like that. You can grow and move on to other things in your life and years can go by but you never forget what happened and scars do remain, for some people they have little scars and go onto leading a happy life, for others this kind of experience can take over their lives for years. Everyone is different.

I'll tell you what I did. I believe that the lord works in mysterious ways and I do find it strange that around about that time, I got that letter from my landlord wanting to sell the house. It was like I was meant to move out as soon as possible. It was one of the best things that could have happened because I no longer felt safe in that house or that area because he would drive around there and park his car to spy on me.

Leaving the job was a good decision, I can see now that I was trying to take control of my life back. It was a toxic environment and he was there so it wasn't in my best interests to be there.

Being a hermit for a while wasn't the most healthiest thing I could have done but I feel that it helped me to stay out of sight for a while till things calmed down a bit. I don't think it would have been safe for me to be out and about to be honest. 

My advice (and remember this is my opinion and experience, other people and mental health professionals may have other thoughts and advice on the situation) would be to move out of your house if you've been a victim to a terrifying stalker. I know that it's hard and people can't just up and leave their houses that they love but in these circumstances, even with a restraining order, if a stalker is determined to see you, they will find a way to get to you. I had things delivered to my house because he wanted me to know that he still had his eye on me.

For your own peace of mind it's best to start somewhere else or stay with a friend/relative till you can find somewhere else (take your pets and your valuables with you too). If you work with the stalker/abusive ex, have a private meeting with your manager/head office and explain the situation and request a transfer to another branch of the company or another job role within the company where you won't be in contact with this person.

Look for another job or take a few months to get your head together (if you can afford to) and then apply for some jobs. Be careful who you talk too! I made the mistake of meeting one of my female friends (from the place that I previously worked) for a coffee and he found out about it and sent me hate emails and started to annoy this lady on facebook asking questions about me. As awful as it is, I had to cut contact with everyone that I had made friends with at that Job, I just couldn't take the risk.

You basically have to start your life from scratch and it's really hard but for the sake of your own peace of mind and safety it's worth it. I'm now at the point of my life where I am settled, I'm even more stronger than I was and I'm happy. I do look back over that time and remember the horrible fear and how it turned my life upside down. 

Going through stalking or an abusive relationship is one of the worst things that can happen to you, it rocks you to your core and it can be very difficult to recover from, if you have the option of therapy, make sure you take advantage of it.

Today, I'm still careful about where I go and I do avoid certain places for my own peace of mind. I don't use my real name online. Jo is my real name but I don't include my surname because he found and harassed me online before. Oh, and change your phone number straight away!! At the time I thought by including him in my spam numbers that it would get rid of him but he just called from a different phone. 

In the end I ended up with a different house, different job, different phone, amazing relationship and a stronger me. Do I have regrets? I wish that I had just left that job instead of working myself into the ground. I was so run down and exhausted at the time that I was really vulnerable and that's when people like him swoop in and take advantage. 

I hope if you have gone through a similar experience that you are now at a place where you feel settled and happy. If you have been through this or are going through this and you feel like you need to chat, you can email me in confidence at:

I don't claim to be an expert but maybe you can take something away from my experience and how I got past it. 

Thanks again for all the support on this and below is a list of phone numbers & websites you may find useful:

- Paladin NSAS (National Stalking Advocacy Service)

Helpline: 020 3866 4107

- National Stalking Helpline

Helpline: 0300 636 0300

You can catch all of my previous posts about my stalking experience, in the links below:

- Part One: What was I thinking? 

- Part Five: Death threats 

Thank you for reading my posts about this dark time in my life and I hope that they have helped you in some way to be extra careful with certain people or to recognise the signs better.

See you in the next post, keep yourself safe x

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