Why I don't see my relatives at Christmas | Personal post

I was in the middle of writing a post about Christmas gifts and it got me thinking about things. I've got my Christmas tree up, I've started my Christmas shopping and I'm already thinking about the Christmas dinner and we are still in November! I know that there's been a few people out there who have been complaining about the likes of me trying to start Christmas early (Jodie Marsh had a lot of abuse from trolls on Twitter for putting up 9 Christmas trees in her house at the end of October) but personally I love Christmas, there was a time when I dreaded Christmas but now I make the most of it.

I've been putting off writing this post for a while as it's quite close to the bone and personal but I think it's an important piece to share because I know there's people out there that are dreading Christmas, even going through anxiety at the thought of it. Depression levels can hit sky high around this time of year and some people feel that they are alone and can't go on. 

As I mentioned before, today I love Christmas and look forward to it and I'm going to be honest and tell you why, you may find this strange, abnormal, not a pretty picture but it's my truth. I had a traumatic childhood and grew up between Scotland and England. I don't want to go too much into it but I didn't get the proper parental care and love that I should have had and my two sisters and brother who are older than me also suffered and had their problems. 

Fast forward to adulthood, we all had our emotional scars from the past and there was a lot of dysfunction in the family. We tried to have Christmas family dinners and all that kind of stuff but it always ended in a nightmare with people getting drunk and things being said. When I had my own house I invited everyone over for Christmas dinner in an attempt to have a nice, pleasant Christmas but again this would end up with my sisters kids fighting over toys, food (that cost a fortune) being wasted or trampled all over the floor (the kids would run riot at my house, leaving taps running full blast in the bathroom and things like that, it would be chaos), my sisters would get stressed out and they would be shouting and swearing, the list goes on. Christmas day would end with me and my other half, exhausted and cleaning up all the mess that was left.

I absolutely love children but my sisters children all had their own problems too. One sister buys her kids the latest iphones and the other sister buys her kids stuff from Poundstretcher so you were always guaranteed an atmosphere and an argument whenever the kids got together. My oldest sister would always turn up late and nobody was allowed to open any presents or eat anything till she arrived (even though it was my house lol). Sure enough, when she did finally turn up she would be all flustered, shouting at her boyfriend and the kids moaning. 

So Christmas day was always one that I dreaded, in the past and up until a few years ago. As for my Mum and Dad, I haven't seen them in years, I won't go too much into the past but that's partly why and because of the times that I had reached out to them to try and build some kind of relationship, they hurt me badly again and I just couldn't put myself through it anymore. I did try and have a relationship with my Dad a few years ago but the woman that he is with is a complete nutcase who likes to treat him like rubbish, rip up his clothes and write 'clown' all over them (I'm not kidding). I tried to give him support and told the others about what was happening and to my surprise they all knew. My Dad was going through a domestic abuse situation and nobody was doing anything about it. My Dad took the side of this woman when I tried to help him and again I felt abandoned by him yet again.

Because of the childhoods we've all had, each one of us has issues. I'm the only one who's gone to counselling and worked though things but I do still have anxiety which I try to deal with. My sisters and brother on the other hand have just got worse as the years have gone on and hurt other people in the process, they refuse to seek counselling and have never had any. 

A few years ago I decided after a long time of putting up with people's bullshit, that it wasn't good for my wellbeing and I decided to cut them off! They didn't even care anyway. My parents never called me anyway to check how I was or wish me happy birthday etc and my dad would never answer my texts because he didn't want to upset the control freak that he's with. I decided enough was enough. 

Just because someone may be related to you, doesn't mean that you have to put up with being treated like crap or have to suffer their constant negativity. I put up with a lot for years and always cleared up after them but whenever the time came for me to need someone to talk to, they didn't care. 

This isn't a sad story, I finally grew a backbone and walked away from people who didn't deserve to have me in their lives. So there you have it, I don't have a picture perfect family and my life isn't perfect. I'll tell you what I do have now though, an amazing fiance, a small fabulous group of friends (and not forgetting my cat Freddie Mercury and dearly departed MJ) and fabulous Christmas holidays. In my house, it's festive, fun, cheery and me and partner are like kids on Christmas morning. I'm very lucky that I have my prince charming because he knows everything about me like I do with him, we've been together for years and he had a difficult upbringing too so that's part of why we always make a big deal at Christmas and birthdays,

You might not see your relatives at Christmas for whatever reason, you may be single, whatever the case, it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy yourself, buy yourself a load of gifts, yummy food, stick some Christmas films on and treat yourself as a way of congratulating yourself for getting through the year. If I was single I would still be getting the tree and the decorations up and just buying myself lots of presents. I can understand why some people would find Christmas depressing but if you look at it as a way of celebrating and treating yourself if you're alone, it's not that bad after all. It's better to be alone and doing your own thing than with a bunch of negative people who don't really care about you and are only there just for the food and gifts. 

I hope by sharing this that you know that there are people out there (like me) who don't see their relatives and that you're not on your own and that Christmas can be a time to celebrate and spoil yourself. 

Let me know what you think? I will say this though, once you get rid of people (that sounds harsh lol, but you know what I mean) who don't have your best interests at heart and just hurt you, you will feel so much better and feel so much happier. It's a shame that things have gone the way they have but that's life, sometimes you have to deal with the cards you've got and in my case I just threw the crappy ones out and got some new, sparkly, fabulous ones lol.

Leave comments below if you want to share anything, email me (caledoniankblog@yahoo.co.uk) or pop me a DM on @CaledonianTweet if you want to chat in confidence.

Much love as always, see you in the next post x 

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