Finding a lump in my breast | Personal post

You never know what's round the corner with life and that's what's inspired me to write this post. Like so many people I aim to use what experiences I have had and turn them into positives by helping others somehow through these blog posts etc. 

I want to share with you something that women and men go through everyday and fight against, have to endure and in positive cases, survive. I'm talking about the time you're in the bath, the shower, putting on your moisturiser etc and you have that rush of horror and panic when you think you have felt a lump somewhere in or on your body. In my case it was my left breast.

Like a lot of people I had lost loved ones to cancer. My grandmother battled cancer for years so it was something I was always aware of. I saw some of what she had gone through. It started with breast cancer in which she had her breast removed. she went into remission for a few years but it returned in her other breast, she kept it quiet from everyone and refused to go to the doctor. When she eventually did, the cancer had spread to her brain. It was so fast and horrific. 

I was in the shower when I found my pea sized hard lump in my left breast. Thinking about my grandmother and other stories I had heard about people going through cancer, I was in sheer panic. I went to the doctor and I expected the doctor to say I was fine, I was kind of in denial about it. When she said she was booking me an appointment for the Hospital, my heart sank and I felt sick.

I had to wait a couple of weeks till the appointment came through and all I could think about was my grandmother and what was this thing in my breast. It was the longest two weeks and when the day came, I was just in shock and denial, scared about what I was facing.

When I got to the hospital, I sat in a room full of women. The look on their faces said it all, I'll never forget that moment. There was women walking out looking relieved and some crying. It was my turn to see the specialist and I was taken to a room that had the specialist and two nurses. I had to remove my bra and put on a medical gown.

I was asked a few questions by the specialist and told to lift my arms up, he didn't say anything as he examined my breasts so at that point I was terrified wondering what he was thinking, does he think I have cancer? what's going to happen to me?

He told me I would have to go for an ultrasound on my breast. I couldn't believe how calm on the outside I actually was through all of this. It may sound strange but I just kept thinking of my grandmother and that she would have had to have gone through all of this, I felt she was with me, holding my hand in a way.

I walked down that corridor and I'd never had an ultrasound before and had no idea what was going to happen. Inside I was a wreck, on the outside I was trying to keep it together as much as I could.

I was taken into a dark room and there was a doctor and some more nurses with a bed in the centre of the room. They told me to take the gown off and lie down. The doctor was sat next to the bed with all the ultrasound equipment next to him. I wanted to just jump out of my skin. To my surprise the doctor was quite a jolly, upbeat person with a smile. I was thinking at the time that he was trying to keep me calm and would've had to go through this quite a lot with women and men so he would know how scary it was. 

They put this gel on my breast and it was freezing. I just kept thinking that I wanted this to all be over and was trying to prepare myself for bad news. I'd convinced myself because my doctor had sent me here and the specialist said that I needed an ultrasound that there must be something wrong. 

There was a long silence for about 10 minutes as the doctor examined my breast. I wouldn't look at the screen. I would've had no idea what to look for anyway even if I had looked. He pressed on my breast very firm and I remember thinking my breast felt really tender. He then said in an upbeat, jolly voice that he couldn't see anything sinister there. He said it was fatty tissue in my breast. Quite a few women can have fatty tissue in the breasts that feel like little lumps. I wanted to jump off the bed and give him and the nurses a hug.

I just couldn't believe it! three weeks of hell, thinking all kinds of horrible thoughts and it turned out to be fatty tissue. As I came out of the hospital, I had to pass that room where all the women were, all waiting to see the specialist and my heart went out to them. I was one of the lucky ones that day.

Whether you're a man or women it's important to keep an eye on things with your body, both men and women can have breast cancer. It's important to check, notice any changes, not just with your breasts but other areas of your body. 

Everyday men and women think that they've found a lump and have been referred to a specialist and the time leading up to that appointment can be agonising. Part of the reason for me writing this post is to tell you, if you're going through this that you're not alone. So many have gone through this before you and are going through it now. Try not to focus on negative thoughts, a lump in the breast doesn't automatically equal cancer it could be fatty tissue like mine but it's important to go and get it checked for your own peace of mind. 

If you have any further questions about my experience please feel free to direct message me on twitter (links are on my home page) or pop me an email: anytime. I hope that this post has been of some help if you're waiting to see a specialist. 

One of these days I hope to turn on the news and find that they have found a cure for cancer.

Thanks as always for reading x 

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